ORDER HERE

A LOOK INSIDE

CONTENTS

PART ONE: BEGINNING YOUR HEALING JOURNEY

Welcome

One night at a Birthtalk meeting
How to use this book
Why women come to Birthtalk meetings
A note to partners, health workers and grandparents (and others who want to help but don’t know how) .
Melissa’s own story of birth trauma and healing
A guide for birth workers and other health professionals

The foundations of your healing journey

What makes a birth good or bad?
Why does it matter? And isn’t a live birth a good birth?
What is a good birth?
What is a traumatic or bad birth anyway?
Birthtalk Breakdown – a new tool
Benefits of a Birthtalk Breakdown

Healing – the big questions

How do I heal?
Do I need to have another baby to heal the previous birth?
My birth was quite a while ago – is it too late to heal?
What if I’ve finished my family? Can I still heal?
Why take the healing journey?

Do I need a diagnosis?

Can you get Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder after childbirth?
Common ‘hidden factors’ that can make a birth traumatic
Have I got Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or Postnatal Depression?

Sharing your story – finally being heard

PART TWO: HOW DO YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW?

Poem: To my son

How to use this part of the book

I feel isolated or alone

Why doesn’t anyone get it?
Why don’t my friends feel bad about their births?
When health professionals don’t get it
How do I share my story so people get it?
I’m stuck in panic attacks or flashbacks

I feel angry

Dealing with anger
I’m so angry with my health carers
Anger at what happened – or what didn’t happen but should have
I feel anger towards my child for ‘causing’ all this
I’m thinking about making a complaint or taking legal action

I feel guilty

Everyone keeps telling me I should be grateful
Why did I agree to that epidural/episiotomy/caesarean etc.?
I kept trying to befriend all the staff. Why did I do that?
I don’t feel bonded to my child

I feel like a failure

Dealing with feelings of failure
Why wouldn’t my body work in labour?
I read all the right books and did all the right classes – what happened?

I feel sad

Dealing with sadness
I was separated from my baby
How do I deal with my child’s birthday?

Breastfeeding was just so challenging

Issues with your partner

Dealing with unresolved feelings about your partner
Why didn’t my partner rescue me?
My partner thinks I’m ‘tainting’ the birth by talking about it negatively
My partner wants me to ‘just get over it’ and move on
My partner is traumatised as well, but I haven’t got space for that
I’m angry that my partner isn’t as affected by the birth as I am.
My partner is traumatised. How can I help?

Special circumstances

My baby was very unwell
I suffered the loss of my baby
My baby was premature
I had ongoing physical symptoms after the birth I had a caesarean under general anaesthetic
I had a homebirth transfer . .

PART THREE: TOOLS FOR YOUR HEALING JOURNEY

Poem: Happy Birthday

How to use this part of the book

Supporting your relationship with your child.

Reconnecting with your child
Saying the words you couldn’t say at the birth: a reconnection tool
How do I tell my child about the day they were born?
Shifting from anger exercise.

Know your story

Retrieving your birth records: how to get them and what to do with them
Writing your birth story – a healing step
The healing power of rewriting the birth story

Self‐discovery

What’s really going on for me?
Using art as a healing tool
The unsent letter

Reconnecting with your body

Ways to reconnect
Making peace with your caesarean scar
Redefining strength

Dealing with your family’s birth legacy
Writing a letter of complaint

PART FOUR: THE CONTINUING JOURNEY

Birthing again

How to have a better birth next time
The pitfalls of going with the flow in birth

A final note

A final note to women
A final note to partners, health workers, grandparents and others who want to help

APPENDICES

Appendix A: Resources & links
Appendix B