A LOOK INSIDE
CONTENTS
PART ONE: BEGINNING YOUR HEALING JOURNEY
Welcome
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One night at a Birthtalk meeting
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How to use this book
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Why women come to Birthtalk meetings
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A note to partners, health workers and grandparents (and others who want to help but don’t know how) .
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Melissa’s own story of birth trauma and healing
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A guide for birth workers and other health professionals
The foundations of your healing journey
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What makes a birth good or bad?
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Why does it matter? And isn’t a live birth a good birth?
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What is a good birth?
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What is a traumatic or bad birth anyway?
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Birthtalk Breakdown – a new tool
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Benefits of a Birthtalk Breakdown
Healing – the big questions
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How do I heal?
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Do I need to have another baby to heal the previous birth?
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My birth was quite a while ago – is it too late to heal?
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What if I’ve finished my family? Can I still heal?
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Why take the healing journey?
Do I need a diagnosis?
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Can you get Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder after childbirth?
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Common ‘hidden factors’ that can make a birth traumatic
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Have I got Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or Postnatal Depression?
Sharing your story – finally being heard
PART TWO: HOW DO YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW?
Poem: To my son
How to use this part of the book
I feel isolated or alone
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Why doesn’t anyone get it?
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Why don’t my friends feel bad about their births?
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When health professionals don’t get it
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How do I share my story so people get it?
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I’m stuck in panic attacks or flashbacks
I feel angry
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Dealing with anger
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I’m so angry with my health carers
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Anger at what happened – or what didn’t happen but should have
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I feel anger towards my child for ‘causing’ all this
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I’m thinking about making a complaint or taking legal action
I feel guilty
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Everyone keeps telling me I should be grateful
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Why did I agree to that epidural/episiotomy/caesarean etc.?
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I kept trying to befriend all the staff. Why did I do that?
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I don’t feel bonded to my child
I feel like a failure
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Dealing with feelings of failure
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Why wouldn’t my body work in labour?
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I read all the right books and did all the right classes – what happened?
I feel sad
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Dealing with sadness
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I was separated from my baby
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How do I deal with my child’s birthday?
Breastfeeding was just so challenging
Issues with your partner
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Dealing with unresolved feelings about your partner
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Why didn’t my partner rescue me?
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My partner thinks I’m ‘tainting’ the birth by talking about it negatively
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My partner wants me to ‘just get over it’ and move on
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My partner is traumatised as well, but I haven’t got space for that
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I’m angry that my partner isn’t as affected by the birth as I am.
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My partner is traumatised. How can I help?
Special circumstances
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My baby was very unwell
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I suffered the loss of my baby
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My baby was premature
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I had ongoing physical symptoms after the birth I had a caesarean under general anaesthetic
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I had a homebirth transfer . .
PART THREE: TOOLS FOR YOUR HEALING JOURNEY
Poem: Happy Birthday
How to use this part of the book
Supporting your relationship with your child.
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Reconnecting with your child
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Saying the words you couldn’t say at the birth: a reconnection tool
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How do I tell my child about the day they were born?
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Shifting from anger exercise.
Know your story
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Retrieving your birth records: how to get them and what to do with them
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Writing your birth story – a healing step
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The healing power of rewriting the birth story
Self‐discovery
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What’s really going on for me?
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Using art as a healing tool
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The unsent letter
Reconnecting with your body
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Ways to reconnect
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Making peace with your caesarean scar
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Redefining strength
Dealing with your family’s birth legacy
Writing a letter of complaint
PART FOUR: THE CONTINUING JOURNEY
Birthing again
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How to have a better birth next time
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The pitfalls of going with the flow in birth
A final note
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A final note to women
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A final note to partners, health workers, grandparents and others who want to help
APPENDICES
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Appendix A: Resources & links
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Appendix B
©Birthtalk.org 2016